This marriage business

Tonight Branden and I went to The Well Community Church for the Wednesday night services.  We are going to be out of town on Sunday for a dog show, and I really really really did not want to miss this week's message.  What was this oh so interesting message about?  Marriage.  More specifically, God's plan for marriage and how best to make it work.

It was even more than I expected.  There were many laugh out loud moments during it, but equally as many thought-provoking, sobering moments.  Moments that made me realize how I am missing the mark completely in some areas, while somewhat getting it right in other areas.  This was more information than I could take in just listening once to it, so I am going to have to download the podcast to mull it over some more.  However, there were a few points that stood out to me.  (Disclaimer:  This is what I understood, no guarantees that all of the below was received the same way that it was intended.  All errors are mine.)

Towards the end of the message, Brad gave us a list of what our spouse needs.  Of that list I remember that men:
1.  Need to feel respected
2.  Need to know that their women are behind them all the way (supporting them and believing in them)
3.  Companionship, as they are all big kids in men's clothes (they want to play...get out and throw a frisbee around, go on a walk, play basketball, etc)
4.  Sex.  Brad emphasized that this was not just for the obvious physical needs, but also because men open up to their wives completely when having sex.  At no other time is man as open and emotionally connected as during sex with their wives.
5.  There was one more at least, and I cannot remember it.  Hence the reason I need to listen to the podcast.

According to Brad, women have a need for the following:

1.  To be listened to, really listened to.
2.  To be secure...financially, physically, and emotionally.  The wife needs to know that the man is not financially doing things that could harm or threaten her, that she is safe with him, and that emotionally she is the only one he wants (i.e. not flirting with the secretary, talking to ex-girlfriends on facebook, etc)
3.  To be affirmed over and over again that he still loves her, and finds her attractive.
4.  To have her husband be tender and loving with her
5.  I think there was one or two more here, too.  I can't remember!

Despite the fact that I forgot at least a few of the needs of men and women, it's still a pretty intimidating list to look at.  Reading it is the easy part, but putting it into practice...not so easy.  For example, how easy is it to respect your husband when he is doing something that you personally think is irresponsible at best, stupid at worst?  Not so easy, right?  Or how about providing companionship to him when there's a list of housework that needs to be done, work to get ready for, and you are plain tired?  Again, not so easy.  On the men's side, how easy is it to turn the TV off and listen to your wife, when all you really want to do is just relax after a long day?  Or even harder, be the one that is ultimately responsible for the financial, physical, and emotional security of your wife? Yikes!  It seems that without God's help none of us could ever come close to meeting the needs of our spouses.  Thankfully God is literally just a prayer away, and is ready and able to help us to love our spouse better.

Now, another point that Brad made is that us women are not responsible for changing out husbands.  Yea, I know this logically, but in practice?  Not so much.  I am sure God is just shaking his head at times wondering why I don't just let him handle it, instead of fumbling around the way I do.  I think it took a message like tonight's to realize that it is impossible for me to change my husband.  To paraphrase Brad's wife, what I can do is step out of the way and let God slap him around a little!  I am going to actively try to shut my mouth, be supportive, and pray.  I have an underlying feeling that kept popping up during tonight's message.  It was a feeling of God not being able to handle our problems.  That somehow he can create the heavens and the earth, and run this whole, huge earth, but he's not powerful enough to deal with our itty-bitty little problems.  That indicates to me that I have a foundational issue with my trust in God.  Which is MY problem, and something I definitely need to be working on.  A very dear friend of mine recently presented the idea to me that maybe marriage isn't meant to make us happy, but rather to make us holy (for more on this, check out the book "Sacred Marriage").   My whole being wants to balk at this notion, but in my more honest moments I know that any issues Branden and I may have would most definitely fall in the category of "teachable moments"...for ME!  Now that's a tough pill to swallow, but one that I'm working on.

So, I will leave you with a request.  I request that if you are married or thinking about getting married, please do check out the Song of Solomon series that is currently going on at The Well.  It is life changing, entertaining, enlightening, and inspired.  The entire series, along with supplemental material, is found here:
http://thewellcommunity.org/podcast/series/song-of-solomon

Spring has sprung!

During the aforementioned walk with the dogs, I spent a few minutes snapping pictures of flowers and bees.  A couple of them turned out to be quite pleasing to me!

 

This is a teeny tiny pink flower that was growing out in the field.  I love the colors and how delicate it is.

 

I love how the color of the clover blends so well with the flower.  I also like the pointy shoots in the back that add a different texture.

 

I adore this picture of a bee on a flower.  The colors and detail are amazing to me!  I am so happy with how well this one turned out, especially since I risked my life to get it (I'm allergic to bee stings)!

Afternoon walk on an early spring day

Branden and I took Boaz and Fenya walking this afternoon.  We went out behind the house in the creek.  It was a warm, overcast day, and the dogs were full of spunk.  We all had a great time meandering through the fields and checking out the flowers and greenery.  By the time we got back, the dogs were ready for a nap!

 

Boaz and Fenya pausing for a moment to pose for a pic.

Just after the above shot they took off running.  I caught this pic while they were headed back to me (see Branden in the background?)

Heading on down the (sprayed) road.

Boaz taking a breather in the flowers!

One more pic of them posing in the flowers.

"Hurry up, Mom, we're ready to head back already."  (Picture aka Branden and the dogs waiting semi-patiently for me to finish taking pictures of bees!)

What I Used To Do

Above are a few photos that show what I used to do.  I definitely had a lot of good times, and learned so much.  I am grateful for the time that I spent there.

Bitter sweet

I am in the last 3 1/2 hours of my last day here at work.  It feels very bitter sweet.  I am not someone that likes change.  I don't even like having the arrangement of the furniture change, let alone having my whole life change.  Looking back, which last year has been full of changes.  First, I moved from my little house into the house I currently live in.  This was a good change, but I still do miss my little house at times.  Then my brother got married, and moved to another state.  That was very hard, as we've always been so close.  I miss him a lot.  A couple months after that, B and I got married, and merged our households.  That has been quite an adjustment, too.  I was very accustomed to living by myself, and having to share everything has been quite a change.  Lastly, I have decided to completely switch gears with my career, and resign from the place I have been for the last 2 1/2 years.  I know this was the right decision, for many different reasons, but it still does not make it easier to turn in my keys, ID, phone, and walk out for the last time.  Even though this was no longer the right fit for me, it's still hard to leave the known and (somewhat) comfortable routine. 

I am now going to have more time to focus on my dog business, which is very exciting to me.  I am also going back to a familiar and routine job.  It's just this in between time where part of my life is coming to a close before the next part of my life begins, that is hard.  I have to trust God that He will provide for me, and will lead the way.  Through every step of this hard decision to resign from my job, God has been there.  He has smoothed the way and gone ahead to prepare the path so definitely that I know His hand is on me.  It's humbling and even a little frightening to feel God working so clearly in my life.  I pray that I will continue to be able to know where He is leading, and walk confidently in that direction.

The Last Week

I am down to the final 2 days at my current job.  Due to recent events, I feel even more sure that this was the best decision for me and Branden.  I think it will take a while for the feeling of "impending doom" to dissipate, but I have hope that it will.  It was great to be able to go to sleep last night and not worry about the phone ringing to call me out of bed.  I will not miss that.  I will miss some of the wonderful people that I work with.  They have been a huge part of my life for the last 2 1/2 years, and it will take some time to adjust to not seeing them on a regular basis.   I am continually learning that change is part of life, and to not hang on to the past.  I am really looking forward to what God has in store for our future! (Strongly hoping that includes a job for Branden soon!)