So anyway, now I feel liberated and happy and scared and excited and sad and stunned and incredulous. It has been 2 1/2 years since I felt like my life was mine. And suddenly I just took it back. Ran in under the radar, grabbed it, and took off like a bandit. I had this strange feeling this evening that at any minute I was going to wake up and this would all be a dream. So I slapped my face, and it hurt, and I realized it wasn't a dream.
I had to go out and get the mail tonight. Which involves a walk down a dark driveway, across a 1 lane road, and over to the mailbox. But of course I cannot do this alone (I imagine creepy people hiding in the shadows), and my husband was over at the shed working on his truck. So my youngest, most faithful dog was called to duty. I took him with, and laid him down in a stay to watch over me while I got the mail. He did stay where I put him, too. That's because I train dogs for part of my living, and I know how to do things like that. More on that later.
As I was getting the mail, I stopped and smelled the air. Spring is coming. I can smell it. But this year is different, because I will be working at a new, old job (it's new because I am just starting, old because I worked there several years ago). Because of this I get to feel it as spring arrives, slides into early summer, then swelters into full summer, the elegant fade into fall, and the cold rest of winter. My soul feels like it falls into step with the changing seasons. It is a cycle that I missed, and am looking forward to again.
I have been pondering the idea that our choices are what make us, and from that decided to get to makin' some choices. So without being sappy, to my past I say thank you for the lessons and the courage to be able to leave you. To the future, I cannot wait to see what you hold. I recently posted a quote on facebook, and am feeling it even more today. I'll leave you to mull it over:
"Everything in my life I create, promote, allow, or step in. If there is something in my life I no longer choose, I take full responsibility for changing it. I am in the driver's eat. And I love it." (Source: 12 Secrets to High Self-Esteem)
